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  [Mood Status/ Selamat hari raya.. maaf zahir & batin]

i
am always curious about this Malay tradition of asking forgiveness for
any mistakes during the holiday that marks the end of the month of
Ramadhan.. "maaf zahir & batin" - three words mean: I seek
forgiveness (from you) for my mistakes and my short-comings (inside and
outside)..

coming from an environment where winning an argument
is an art and a daily bread.. lowering the pride and apologizing for
vague things sounds foreign to me.. especially when truth, honesty and
saying exactly what’s in mind out-loud are important to me..

so
i hope you can imagine the mental energy i would be exerting whenever i
say these words.. in an average of 80 times a day in the past 3-4 days..

the last days of Ramadhan..
speaking
of apologize.. there are many things important in life, i’ve recently
discovered.. and i made many mistakes in the past year..

the
last days were the most tiring days in the whole year.. sleeping 4
hours a night, spending most of the night in Taraweeh prayers and
Qiyyam Al Lail prayers.. seeking forgiveness from God and praying for a
greener days ahead..

and if God wants to throw a Toyota-Hilux in my way anytime soon.. i wouldn’t mind at all.. ;’p

so if anyone was wondering about my absence in multiply.. i am doing fine..

October 9..
Abby sent my a voice message singing the worst happy birthday song i have ever heard.. 

she
knew i hate doing the oncalls in birthdays.. so she sent me the most
precious birthday gifts i have ever received.. her voice singing..

but
i am not sure "happy birthday" song is the song for her.. as i started
to laugh hard.. and everyone in the emergency bay were looking at me as
my eyes started to tear..

it was a busy night with 2 cases of MVA motor-vehicle accident with broken bones and ribs were waiting for my review..
but 2 minutes later, Abby sent me a second voice message as she was not happy with the first song she had sent me earlier..

and she totally caught me in surprise..
"sitting
at the farm, happy yeseree.. i had a little bug.. on my knee.. i said
hey bug!! get off my knee.. but that old bug said.. noseree!!.. so i
picked up the telephone.. and called my friend, the frog at home .. ..
.. .. .. .. .."

the song was the cutest song i have ever
heard in my entire life.. as i exploded into laughter while standing
next to a patient.. and.. i mumbled few words to my nursing staff as i
ran hiding inside the oncall room laughing and giggling..

i was putting my head on the pillow, the phone on the other ear and my thumb on the REPLAY button..

there are moments when i told her how much i loved her..
that moment, i couldn’t imagine that i would love her more..

October 11
coming
into the Hari Raya Holiday.. i decided to carry on of a tradition that
i have started at my old hospital at HRPZII few years ago.. i spent
almost 5 hours shopping at Takbai (Thailand) and Pengkalan Kubur
(Malaysia)..

October 12
i was worried about bringing Abby at my work-place.. but i needed an angel next to me to do this..

we
went to the paediatrics ward.. and made a quick round bed by bed.. "Hi
my name is Dr Hani and this is Dr Mardhiyyah -Abby-, and we would like
to wish you a happy selamat hari raya.. and also to give your child
this doll"

a total of 10
cows holding a heart.. 10 Winnie the pooh.. 10 spiderman complete with
the spiderman’s motorcycle that shoots plastic bullets (did spiderman
had a motorbike?!).. to the patients who were going to spend the Hari
Raya holidays in the hospital..

it was a proud moment.. to
spread the happiness to the children.. but my eyes were more focused on
my sweet Abby as she interacts with children and mothers.. to see her
laughing, smiling and loving..

later in the evening, as i was
walking her to the bus station.. i was on the oncall that day.. i told
her that she’s the most important thing in my life..

she heard it many times.. but i thought, a reminder won’t harm anyone..

October 13
the
Hari Raya Eidil Fitri.. the day that we should be all happy.. the roads
are all congested with cars and people returning to their roots,
home-towns and villages.. Kuala Krai is situated midway between the
major cities of Kuala Lumpur and Kota Bharu..

i
took this picture of a little girl taking care of her baby brother,
both are victims of a violent traffic accident, as the father was being
treated at minor operation theater and the mother was being x-ray for
possible fracture..

have you seen a 10 years old girl feeling
all lost and feels necessary to act as a grown-up for her brother
sake?…. i did.. and i never seen her complaining about her wounds as
she poured her concern on her brother!!

as for me..

another
thing about the Malay culture.. although, i consider myself a Malay
with my father having the title "Wan" and my mother having the title
"Nik".. i can never see myself in the traditional Malay outfit..
something about the polyester and the shiny happy colors of "baju
Melayu" that irritates me, and make me prefer cheap T shirts with
cartoons on it anytime..

but this year’s Hari Raya is such a happy event.. i have decided.. what the hell!!

i
drove back from Kuala Krai to Kota Bharu.. the first stop was a florist
shop.. to buy a red rose to my sweet Abby.. next was my old hospital
HRPZII..

i had made a promise to Mahsuri hospital ward to spend
my first salary i get to buy a feast to all patients in Mahsuri.. its
been three years and i have totally forgotten about it.. till that
day..

i made a round in that ward which i have distributed a total of 35 chocolate bars to 35 patient there..

October 14
on
the oncalls again.. in many patients.. i got 4 code blue during the
night.. 2 died during my watch.. both were young and at the door-step
of their lives.. which shows how easy for a person would lose his/her
life..

this is the reason i would give for my absence from friendster for the past weeks.. i needed to concentrate my energy on the
last days of Ramadhan.. and asks for God’s forgiveness for all my short
comings and all my mistakes..

"..but God doesn’t forgive whom heart is stone hard to ask forgiveness from the people around him/her.."..

so in that sense.. i am letting my pride go.. and Selamat
Hari Raya.. maaf atas lisan yang tak terjage, janji yang terabai, hati
yang prasangka & sikap2 yang pernah menyakitkan.. in short maaf
zahir & batin..

wassalam >:-)