a great loss
i was in Kuantan Pahang yesterday morning -Friday 15th-.. when i
received a call from my uncle Ayahsof.. his youngest brother PghDin
passed away..
i was told that he had a heart attack..
i’d
classify my emotions as in the denial state.. the whole thing doesn’t
seem to be real.. or maybe it didn’t hit me with full impact yet..
even completing this blog didn’t seem to be important as a major turning-point in my life..
at
the emergency department, death is no stranger.. babies with
milk-aspirating pneumonia.. young adults on motorbikes without
helmets.. smokers.. obesity.. bitten by a mosquito..
and with
relatives waiting anxiously in the outside.. i always try to weasel-out
and let other doctors to break the news for them..
maybe
because i hate to admit that we have failed as high expectations were
put on us.. but mostly because i didn’t want to know these people..
death are much easier to people you don’t know..
and i know this sounds awful.. i hate people who are quick in tears..
didn’t
think much.. i called Kuwait immediately.. my mom is usually up at 5 am
on Fridays.. it was a terrible news for her and my three years in the
field, couldn’t produce a decent sympathetic sentences.. but blaming it
all on his bad habits of smoking..
Long before my father’s death
last year.. PghDin was always there for me and my family.. we counted
on him in almost everything.. He was there for almost everything good
and bad happened to me and my family.. furthermore, my mom regarded him
and myself as equal..
my uncle Ayahsof just SMSed me to recite
the Yasin on his blessed soul.. reluctantly i did.. as i said.. i am
still unable to feel the impact of the loss and subconsciously believed
that he will visit my house anytime soon.. dropping by asking me about
MP3 MP4.. history of WWII.. geography.. the difference between
CorelDraw and PhotoShop.. what certain sentences in Arabic and English
are meant.. etc
i realized for long that PghDin is the only one
in the extended family who seems to be on the same frequency.. and i am
sure that this opinion is shared by many.. whether it was for his true
kind nature or his genuine efforts to help people regardless the
conflict, the trouble and heartache that brings..
i still have
no tears in my eyes.. i am distracting myself with life not to think
about what happened.. mainly because of that belief that he will always
be there when i need him.. even now..
my belief dictates that
there are afterlife and a fine day when we meet.. but it feels that he
never left.. am i mistaken that he is probably watching me now?
he left us with a big gap in our lives.. tomorrow looks darker now..
